Sex for a new mom is different. It feels different, sounds different, yearns different. Your body finds itself in between what sex, sensuality, and intimacy were before, and what they are now becoming. Perhaps you ache to go back and find comfort in the sex and pleasure already known to you. Perhaps you think you should reclaim your sexuality and womanness, and want to do it by reaching for how sexuality and intimacy looked and felt like before. But it is no longer the before. You cannot connect to yourself as you are now by reaching for the self from the past.
Sex is different now because you and your body are both different now. It may be daunting, but it is also incredibly exciting to get a chance to explore your sexuality and pleasure as if you have not known them previously. Approach yourself as you are - changed, soft, tender, new. Give your pleasure what it needs - attention, kindness, rediscovery.
Here are some tools that can make your rediscovery of sexuality after giving birth gentle and playful.
After you have given birth, your body might want to feel pleasure but can handle only a gentle kiss. The French Lover will give you the most delicate french kiss right where you want it. Use it on your clitoris, labia, inner thighs, tummy, breasts, or your neck. Its bendable tongue adjusts to your body and transmits vibrations without applying pressure. Its motor is whisper quiet and offers four speeds and two vibration patterns to choose from. The material is body safe silicone which is soft to the touch. Pair with water-based lubricant for an even softer feeling or use in a bath to relax completely.
If you’ve given vaginal birth, and after recovering enough to practice penetration again, you might wonder whether your G-Spot or G-Zone feels the same. Reaching for a gentler vibrator shaped just right to target your G-Zone can be a way to begin exploring how such stimulation now feels. The Arc by Dame is then a perfect match. Its unique curvature focuses the G-Zone precisely and its size, while adequate, is comfortable. It is light, which makes it easier to handle and explore different angles without straining your wrist. The medical grade silicone makes it soft and has a bit of squish to it, which provides for a more delicate touch.
Through pregnancy and birth, your pelvic floor has been through a lot. While sexual pleasure is important, so is your overall sexual wellbeing. That includes giving some attention to the pelvic floor muscles supporting your uterus and vagina, as well as your bowels and bladder. The Magic Motion Kegel Master is accompanied by an app that coaches you through exercising your pelvic floor muscles and tracks your progress. Amongst the built-in courses, you can find one designed specifically for new moms. Strong pelvic muscles will add to your bladder control and aid you in postpartum recovery, paving the way for sexual pleasure and intimacy.
While penetrative sex with your partner may still be off the table during your initial postpartum recovery, that doesn’t mean sexual intimacy is unattainable. Tiani 2 by LELO is a two-piece couple’s toy. It consists of a remote and a clitoral vibrator which is partially inserted into the vagina so that it hugs the front vaginal wall, thus staying in place and stimulating the clitoris both internally and externally. Hand the remote to your partner and let them control the vibrations and bring you pleasure, starting gently and intensifying slowly. Tiani is made from extra soft silicone and its flexibility provides a comfortable fit.
As you slowly get into penetrative sex again, going deep might prove challenging at the beginning. Ohnut Buffer Rings can be worn at the base of the penis to shorten the depth of penetration to a length that is enjoyable and does not hurt. Add or remove rings to adjust the penetrative length to what feels pleasant. Ohnut is made from soft, squishy, and stretchy, body-safe, hypoallergenic material that is compatible with condoms, as well as with water-based and silicone-based lubricants. The soft texture and retention of body heath will make Ohnut pleasurable for the wearing partner too.
Whether you are using a toy, your own fingers, or are connecting your body to your partner’s, a good lubricant will make the experience smoother, nicer, and more fluid. The Shine water-based lubricant by Maude is 100% natural and organic, free from glycerin, parabens, and fragrances. Its formula is pH-balanced and includes aloe vera which will moisturize and soothe your skin and vagina.
As you rediscover your new body and how it accepts pleasure, remember that it is your pleasure. There is no need to rush or feel pressured to be sexual again. Your body had just done the most powerful thing - given birth. It is natural for sexual desire in postpartum to take a dive and advisable to wait some time before resuming sexual activity. Listen to your body’s needs, whether it craves rest or intimacy. The desire will come and so will you.