Written by Paula Brečak for Self Studies
For many of us, nothing gets us in the mood quite as much as going on a vacation. It is a time of relaxation, excitement, and escape from everyday life. All the things that can easily slip through the cracks of everyday obligations and stress, can now be put center stage and given the attention they’ve been lacking. The alarm doesn’t go off in the morning, the regular weekly chores cease to exist, and the ‘out of office’ email reply has your back. Vacation and travel mean adventure and exploring new places, and they often bring some time, space, and energy to connect with your partner, deepen your relationship and intimacy.
Vacation sex takes on a unique allure, offering chances to try out new things, poses, and perhaps even some unseemly locations. It can be liberating to have all that time to enjoy pleasure without anywhere else you need to be. But it can also be daunting when you feel like you have to have the best sex of your life while traveling through the most romantic landscapes.
We’ve written about Vacation Pleasure Necessities and how to pack your pleasure for a summer trip, but what is it about vacation sex that gets us so excited and is it really all it’s cracked up to be?
Novelty as a Relationship Necessity
While routine is not necessarily bad and can be comforting, easy, and give you just what you need in terms of intimacy and sexual closeness with your partner, in order for it to not go stale, routine should sometimes be broken. Novelty is what wakes up the butterflies in your stomach, gets you giddy, and makes you feel like you’ve just started dating. When your routine is taken apart while on vacation and traveling, and you find yourself in a new environment that requires change and growth, space opens up for new (or perhaps old and forgotten) experiences and feelings.
During a vacation, you focus on enjoyment and not on the tasks you would be doing if you were home, so it becomes much easier to be playful and adventurous. Many people fantasize about sex in novel places outside of the bedroom and outside of the home. While traveling, chances to make those fantasies true often present themselves. It is also far less likely that you will be caught by anyone you will ever see again while, for example, joining a mile high club (having sex on a plane) or having sex in nature.
Relaxation and Going with the Flow
Relaxation is a requirement for good sex and deep intimacy. The contemporary way of life which includes work, a lively social schedule, keeping up a family and a home, and various hobbies and activities, doesn’t often prioritize sexual pleasure, intimacy, nor is conducive to a stress-free life. Even when attention is given to sexuality, pleasure, and relationship quality, it often asks for quick and easy fixes, forgetting that both sexual pleasure and relationship quality require holistic approaches.
It is less likely that you will have good sex or enjoyable dates if you are stressed, tense, and always checking your watch. As you take vacations to get away from just those predicaments, it becomes easier to have better sex and pleasure, as well as dates during which you are truly present. Furthermore, enjoying an activity or a hobby together is a great introduction to physical closeness, which then comes much more spontaneously. Having fun throughout your day will relieve stress, relax you, and put you in a good mood, which is when sexual desire will show itself and set the stage for some great, not rushed, vacation sex.
Expectations can Create Pressure
Though the reasons why vacation sex can be a particularly great type of sex are all good and true, they can be an enemy to themselves. Fantasies of vacation sex, or sex in particular locations, or sex under certain adventurous circumstances, might set some unrealistic expectations. While joining the mile high club sounds quite daring and exciting, the reality is more likely to be cramped and rushed. And though sex in water looks like the truest passion, the truth is that the water will actually dry you out and make it more full of pain than full of passion. That doesn’t however mean that you should give up on your fantasies, just that you should prepare for the reality. For the mile high club, wear clothes that will make sex easily accessible. And for the water sex, make sure to bring along some silicone based lube.
If an important part of having good sex on vacation is reducing everyday stress, then creating new stress because you want it to go down in a certain way is surely counterproductive. Have some ideas of what you’d like to try sexually, but don’t make your whole vacation about making those ideas come true in exactly the ways you’ve imagined. Approach having good sex on vacation holistically, by focusing on having a great vacation overall.
Don’t Go Beyond your Limits
Vacation sex fantasies often include sex in public, group sex, or sex clubs (we’ve written how to go about going to a sex club here). If you are grabbing a steamy novel to read at the beach, you might get plenty more ideas. But just because it is someone else’s vacation sex fantasy, doesn’t mean it has to be yours as well. When having adventurous and novel sex, know what you are and are not comfortable with. Know what your boundaries are and respect them, as well as everyone else’s. It can help to start small and build up towards more daring experiences. Pushing yourself further than you want to will just make the whole experience one you’ll want to forget.
Bring It Home
Having good vacation sex doesn’t necessarily have to happen while on vacation or while away from your home. If you remember what it really is that makes sex on vacation so hot and exciting, then you can recreate those moments in your everyday life as well. Just make it a bit less “everyday” and don’t go about your usual script when it comes to sex and romance. Spend time doing something you both enjoy to build up fun and relaxation that will create sexual desire. Create a sense of novelty by introducing a toy or booking a hotel room, even in your hometown. Free up a whole day, or even a morning or afternoon, where you don’t have to be anywhere, don’t have to answer to anyone, but can together be truly present in pleasure.